Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
