How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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