After last night, I could never be a politician.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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