areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
