I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
