he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
