Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize