Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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