I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
