i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
