one two three fourrrrnication!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
