So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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