Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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