good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Welp...herpes.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
