Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize