I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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