im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
