Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
