he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
