jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
