can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
