My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
