Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
