Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
