Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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