I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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