I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
