i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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