Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
