I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
