her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
