I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
