Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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