I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize