she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need a beard to bite.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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