The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
