and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
