Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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