i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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