3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
