Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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