please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
false alarm. still invincible.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
