The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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