The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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