if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize