Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
