so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
