My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
