I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
