I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
