I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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