I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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