Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
