Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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