i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
