My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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