i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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