Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
