Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
