took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
