How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
