Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize