At least make sure they are 18
Why
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize