Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
