If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didn't notice because vodka
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
