drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
